I was smack in the middle of delivering a breathtaking seminar in Texas, when this older gentleman interrupted. Excuse me, he said. All I know is that I refuse to sell anybody an insurance policy until theyre my friend, first! (I said a silent prayer for himMay he have many, many friends!) He went on to explain that he feels he has to have a personal relationship with somebody before he can feel comfortable replacing his Stetson with his salesmans hat. I found it an odd encumbrance to saddle oneself with. Quickly scanning my customer base, I thought Id have very little business if I took on that burden. Customers are hard enough to find, but friends? Well, thats just asking a whole heck of a lot. If you have a handful of true friends in a lifetime, I think youre ahead of the game. So, whats all this we hear about relationship selling? Are its promoters simply urging us to think and to act as this gentleman did? Is this an efficient or desirable way of going about our business? Can our customers truly be our friends? I doubt it. Moreover, I think we delude ourselves and waste our time if we buy into this concept. Heres the logic: (1) Friendship is a voluntary association between people. You can stop being friends as fast as you can say, Can you lend me a hundred bucks? Seriously, when you have a customer or a client, you must live with each other, so to speak, until your contractual obligation is fulfilled. A business relationship is one that a court of law will enforce if one party decides to breach it. Try telling a judge that your friend is giving you the cold shoulder, and see what relief he offers you. (2) Friendship isnt about power. Both people in a friendship have equal power to leave it or to enhance it. Buyers and sellers dont have the same bargaining power. Usually, one needs the other at least a little more, as in supply and demand. (3) The object of friendship isnt economy or profit or productivity. Its a lot of other things, intangibles, such as harmony, trust, identification with each other, laughter, tears and a shared history. (4) The whole of a friendship is much greater than the sum of its parts. With a friend, you can occasionally say the wrong thing, be stupid, yell and emote. Try that with the person whos calling about his cable subscription or phone bill. (5) If you lose your job, youre sick, or you suffer a personal loss, who is it that cheers you up, or comes over and cooks a meal for you? There is a highway sign in Texas that always makes me smile. It says, Drive Friendly. Now thats something you can do in the presence of strangers and customersyou can be friendly, and its a great idea. But a sign saying, Make Friends, could just take us down the wrong road, altogether. Dr. Gary S. Goodman 2005 |
