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| Author: Ruth Wells, M.S. |
At our school we have been having difficulty dealing with children who when faced with work will throw things, or act out in very dramatic ways. How do you go about helping the child while protecting the education of your other students?
We get lots of requests for help at our web site. Suzanne's email to us, shown above is typical. Suzanne is a teacher but her question may be relevant to you even if you are a counselor, principal, aide, court worker or foster parent.
At the risk of a little bit of over-simplification, there are probably two major reasons why student will act-out dramatically when faced with work. Here is the first reason. It's a topic we've covered many times before, so we'll just touch on it this time, then move on to the second reason.
One reason that students may engage in extreme behaviors when faced with a task, is that the student is conduct disordered. If you have been a subscriber to this magazine, hopefully, you remember what you learned in past issues when we covered this topic. The key points that we hope stuck with you are these: Conduct disorders lack a conscience so they do what they want, when they want, to who they want. C.D.s are your most misbehaved kids so there is a good chance that if someone is throwing items, that child could be conduct disordered. A C.D. can engage in serious misconduct at any time, but certainly, when faced with a distasteful task, that task can easily prompt bad behavior. As you may remember, you must use a completely different set of techniques with C.D.s so the way you prevent and manage misbehavior with this portion of your students is very different from how you accomplish that goal with the rest of your group. So, Suzanne, for the C.D.s in your classroom, you will need to use techniques that are targeted for use with C.D.s C.D.s are usually at least 11-14% of a typical mainstream classroom, so you can expect to always have at least a few C.D.s to manage in every setting.
The second major explanation why a student will violently refuse work is that the youngster is frustrated, tired, upset, or hoping to avoid the chore. Years ago, families more thoroughly and reliably taught their offspring how to behave, and students' conduct reflected that. With this group of misbehaved youngsters, you will have to teach them the self-management techniques that they did not master at home. You will also need to equip them with the motivation and attitudes that would foster better conduct. Our Breakthrough Strategies to Teach and Counsel Troubled Youth Workshop, books, and other resources, have hundreds of strategies on anger management; we have included a few of our favorites below:
Your Mama 101
If you don't have a class with the title of "Your Mama 101," then maybe now is the time to start one. This class can teach youngsters all the skills they need to manage their anger and aggression. What are some of your youngsters learning about anger control at home and in the community? At home, anger may be screamed away, or drugged away, or dishes may be thrown.
None of those behaviors are acceptable at your site, yet that is all that anger management some children know. Until you teach your students to manage their anger, many will continue to be unable to behave in a socially acceptable manner. Even though teaching anger control perhaps should not have to be your job, you may want to make it your job. Until you do teach those skills, you may find that there are no consequences, no rules-- no anything-- that will work as a substitute. You wouldn't expect math skills until you taught those skills.
Similarly, you can't shouldn't expect anger control skills until you teach those skills. While, in theory, you can expect or want any behaviors you wish, until you teach students how to perform those behaviors, you probably won't see those behaviors.
Bonus Method:
Use this mnemonic device to help students use more socially acceptable ways to attempt to decline a task:
Just say "no," don't throw.
Find Work With a Temper Like That
This strategy remains a favorite at our live workshops, so we will include it here, even though we have suggested this intervention in other issues. Ask your students to name all the jobs that they can do a throw things whenever they want. There are none. When your students figure that out, ask them if they will ever need to work.
Pro-Active Skill Training
Don't wait for the book to sail through the air. With every group, teach them the self-control skills they need. For Suzanne's situation, she could teach students what to say when they don't want to do a task, they don't know how to do it, or
they need help. You may assume that most children are able to say "I don't want to do it," which is a much better way of communicating than throwing a book. Be careful about that assumption. Children are not little adults. They may not know how to properly say that they'd prefer to forgo the chore. Give them the sentences they need so they can properly communicate with you. Be very sure to address all three of the circumstances mentioned above. We recommend that the sentence begins with "yes." For example, you could give your students sentences such as "Yes, I know you want me to read that story aloud but I don't want to do it." We recommend the "yes" as adults often appreciate that initial gesture of willingness, and including that word may make that sentence work successfully with a wide variety of teachers, coaches, parents, etc. rather than just with you. Many teachers post their recommended three sentences on the wall of the classroom. A sample sentence: "Yes, I will
do it but I really don't want to." Be sure to cover all the skills needed to manage work in your setting, not just the three circumstances noted here. So, for example, be sure to cover managing boredom during tasks; what to do when you are upset; managing frustration during a task; what to do when you hate a task; and so on. Remember: Any area that you do not cover, will remain a problem.
Bonus Method:
Chances are that you have never even discussed with your students how often they should decline work. That means that your students are expected to adhere to a standard that you have never quantified for them. Assist students to identify how often work refusal is permitted each day in the work world, then establish a standard that is fairly similar. Now, your students have a quantifiable standard, and appreciate the logic behind it.
Pain Delay
When you give an assignment to a youngster, no child will ever reply: "I watched Dad beat my Mom last night. Science just doesn't seem very relevant right now. Can I postpone this task?" Few youngsters will neatly identify their pain and request an accommodation so you have to provide them a way to gain relief on days that they are particularly troubled. Without a socially appropriate way to gain relief, some troubled students will act out. Here are some methods that can eliminate the need to act out. For older kids who you suspect may face serious problems, allow them to identify "good work days" and "bad work days." For younger children, you can make a mock-up of a traffic light, and have red be a "bad work day," yellow would be an "okay work day," and green is a "good work day." If you worry that distressed students may take advantage of your accommodations, don't worry. You'll become their life line, and they won't jeopardize that connection. They will work as hard as they can on days they are able. Isn't that really all you should ask of a child who lives in pain?
Cooling Off Time
A student may arrive angry, so angry that they may blow up at you just for saying "good morning"-- never mind giving them an assignment. If you work with children who get so angry that they can't even use words, get or make a mask that depicts an angry face. Allow the angry child to simply hold up the mask as a signal to you that they get to be left alone for a pre-determined period of time. Think about it. When you're furious, you can't tackle work chores until you cool off. Neither can your kids.
Real World Reactions
For repeated acting out, be sure to mimic the "real world" when you respond. In the job setting, for example, if an employee responds to an assignment by throwing things, not only can the worker be fired, but the police may be involved. Convey this to your students, and then duplicate aspects of those consequences in your setting. So, for example, an employee who threw a book and damaged it, might be required by a court to pay restitution for the damage. The court may order community service as amends. You too can require restitution or repair, along with some community service to benefit your site as a way for the youngster to make amends.
Deny This
Until your students acknowledge anger control problems, it will be tough to get them to modify their behavior. A fun way to tackle this issue is to ask your youngsters to make a list of "The Top 6 Ways to Deny You Have a Problem with Aggression."
Or, if you prefer, simply purchase our brand new, brightly colored Poster #3 (see our site link below and visit us for details), which powerfully uses humor to help even very angry youth begin to realize that perhaps they might have problems with anger and aggression.
LIKE THESE STRATEGIES?
We have hundreds more dynamic, attention-grabbing ideas to prevent or manage anger control problems. Consider our Breakthrough Strategies to Teach and Counsel Troubled Youth Workshop for your next inservice day, then all your staff can learn the anger management techniques they need to work with today's hard-to-manage youth and children. If your staff's training did not include extensive course work on aggression, conduct disorders, anger management, and self-control, call us now to set up a class for your entire team. Our class is far more affordable than you may imagine, and it also makes a terrific, easy fund-raiser. Stop using yesterday's methods with today's kids, and you'll find that working with difficult kids doesn't have to be so difficult. Call us or visit our site using the contact information shown at the
bottom of this page. We can help! |
Author Bio:
Get much more information on this topic at www.youthchg.com and theclassroommanagementsite.com. See hundreds more of innovative, problem-stopping interventions at the Youth Change web site. Ruth Wells MS is the director of Youth Change. Ruth is the author of dozens of books including the popular Temper and Tantrum Tamers, Turn On the Turned-Off Student, Last Chance School Success Guide and Maximum-Strength Motivation-Makers. She annually trains hundreds of teachers, counselors and youth professionals in staff development workshops, conferences, seminars and in-service throughout the country. Get free samples and see 100s more of her problem-stopping interventions at Youth Change's web site. Ruth is the author of dozens of books and ebooks, and conducts professional development workshops. Please visit us at our website at www.youthchg.com or feel free to call us at 1-800-545-5736. |
| You can also reach this article by using: Just Say "No, " Don't Throw: Working with Violent Work Refusers, Education & Reference |
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